Peggy Sah

Hi, my name is Peggy. My family was not religious, however, my mother brought my sister and I to church because we would otherwise be sleeping in on Sunday mornings. I have heard Jesus' stories but I treated them as only fairy tales and fables. Going to church in my childhood was just a social activity amongst other extra-curricular activities. After moving to Canada from Taiwan with my family in high school, I went to church less and less each year.

Although growing up my life appeared peaceful and smooth on the outside, I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin. At home I was loud, careless and talkative; but outside of home I was quiet, poised and careful. I built a wall around myself to protect my own emotions from other people. Moving to Canada was the beginning of another identity struggle, trying to adapt to the new language, culture and country. I hid myself again at home with reading books and surfing the internet. Immediately after graduating from university, I felt even more insecure. I finished the compulsory 12-year education and obtained a good degree. What now? Watching TV and movies, listening to music, and sleeping on my questions about my future did not work anymore.

I like to read and reason. However, I never really read the Bible but just reasoned it, and found ways to argue against it. I avoided answering God's questions personally. I realized that I am not perfect. I am selfish and self-absorbed. But I did not acknowledge that my sins were against God. I thought I was smart enough to figure things out by myself, trying to find solutions in my own ways. After years of part-time church attendance, I often went back to my old self, trying to accomplish things independently and trying to prove that I could do it on my own. My heart was hardened and closed to the gospel.

Last year while I was staying with my grandparents in California, my sister invited me to her Bible study. I saw people listening to the pastor intently, taking down notes. I thought, wow, what is this power of God, that these students would spend time and study His words even on the night before their final exam? Then at her fellowship, I experienced them sincerely caring for one another. Though I was only a visitor there, I felt welcomed and at home. My sister said, this is Christ's love.

In Vancouver, I started going to church regularly because I wanted to know more about this God that provides peace and comfort. I didn't want to go through the same self-destructive cycles anymore. When I finally asked God questions with an open heart to receive, God always answered, like it says in Jeremiah 29:13 "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

I had always cared about what other people said and thought about me. I wanted everybody to like me. But this was so stressful because the expectations just became higher and higher. Years of personality struggle were slowly breaking me down. I felt like I did not belong anywhere. But at church, in the Bible, I found my true identity. I was created by God, and I am a precious child of God. God loves me. Finally, I decided to let God control me, not my own self-consciousness or other people's thoughts. I realized my heart was aching because I was lacking a personal relationship with the one true God.

Earlier this year, I prayed to receive Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. I believe Jesus is the son of God, not just a historical figure, not just a good man who once lived on earth. He died for me; and even though I avoided to believe and turned away from Him before, He still loves me the same and accepts me as I am. Jesus endured everything on earth so that my sins can be forgiven. He went to the Cross for me, not just for the person sitting beside me and not just for the Jews, but for everyone who is willing to believe, so that I can restore a relationship with God. And this God is not someone distant in the sky; He lives in my heart through the Holy Spirit.

Although sometimes I still seek approvals of others, struggle with different issues, and have questions about my future; yet I believe fully in God's power. I do not need to prove myself to be good. Christ can provide me the strength to live a truly joyful life. I need to be the real me, the way He created me, not to act or disguise myself under different masks in front of different people. My heart needs not ache anymore; He fulfills it and restores it. Micah 6:8 "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." By following Jesus Christ, He will lead me to the right direction, and most importantly, glorify God in this life on earth and spend eternal life with Him.

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